I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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