Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
