Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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