I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want to fling myself into the sun
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
