So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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