id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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