my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
