I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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