One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My penis needs a shock collar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
