you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
