My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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