he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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