I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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