oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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