i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
