he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
