I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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