nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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