my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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