No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
