I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
