And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
