I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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