Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
