I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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