Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
