I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
