I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
