there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you win again, gameday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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