the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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