I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
