I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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