two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
