it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
