I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
