This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
