Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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