Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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