this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
