Umm I'm too high to move.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
