but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
