I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
