I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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