yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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