i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
