Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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