I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
