I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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