all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
