can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
