All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
