I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
