Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry my hands just texted you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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