Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
