so explain again why im purple
no
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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