he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
