God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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