It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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