I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
