It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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