It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize