wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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