This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
