you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
