So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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