If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
