I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
