you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
barbara walters just said penis...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
