New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
