someone threw a dead crab at me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
