I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
