She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
