ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
